(DC Pundit) – The world of medical science has stumbled upon a case that’s giving new meaning to the phrase “unexpected side effects.” Hold onto your bras, folks, because this story is about to get crazy.
Researchers at the University of Toronto have documented what they’re calling a “rare instance of gigantomastia” following the administration of the Pfizer COVID-19 vaccine. For those of you who skipped Latin class, gigantomastia is essentially medical jargon for “holy moly, those are some big… changes.”
The protagonist of this mammary marvel? A 19-year-old woman who, prior to her vaccine encounter, was living life comfortably in B-cup territory. But faster than you can say “I think we’re gonna need a bigger bra,” her chest decided to embark on a growth spurt that would make Jack’s beanstalk jealous.
Just one week after receiving her first dose of the Pfizer vaccine in September 2022, this previously healthy young woman noticed her upper half was getting a bit… uppity. But the real show-stopper came after the second dose, when her breasts decided to go from supporting act to headliner, ballooning to a triple G over six months.
Social media, never one to miss a beat (or a bust), quickly dubbed this phenomenon the “Pfizer Boob Job.” Because nothing says “modern medicine” quite like turning a life-saving vaccine into a punchline for amateur comedians everywhere.
Case of a 19 year-old woman experiencing significant breast hypertrophy starting 1 week after receiving the Pfizer COVID-19 vaccine in September 2022.
"The patient initially reported tingling paresthesia in her breasts, followed by sudden bilateral growth which worsened after… pic.twitter.com/BqBm7r0J5X— Dr John B. (@DrJohnB2) January 3, 2025
Despite putting the poor woman through more tests than a college freshman during finals week, doctors couldn’t find any hormonal hijinks or other causes for this unprecedented growth. They eventually settled on a diagnosis of pseudoangiomatous stromal hyperplasia (PASH), which is essentially medical speak for “we have no idea why your boobs are trying to take over the world.”
Dr. Jenna Stoddart, the lead author of the case study, stated, “To our knowledge, this is the first report of unilateral pseudoangiomatous stromal hyperplasia (PASH) associated with ipsilateral axillary lymphadenopathy following COVID-19 mRNA vaccination.” In other words, “We’ve never seen anything quite like this before, and we’re as baffled as you are.”
The researchers were quick to point out that while this case is certainly eye-catching (and possibly back-breaking), it’s important to remember that it’s just one case out of millions of vaccine recipients. They emphasized that the benefits of vaccination still far outweigh the risks, even if those risks now apparently include the possibility of impromptu chest expansion.
The medical community is now left scratching their heads, wondering if they need to add “may cause unexpected growth in certain areas” to the already lengthy list of potential vaccine side effects. Meanwhile, plastic surgeons worldwide are probably wondering if they should start offering a “Pfizer Special” alongside their usual enhancement procedures.
As for the young woman at the center of this story, one can only hope she’s receiving the support and care she needs. After all, going from B to triple G in six months is enough to throw anyone off balance, both literally and figuratively.
The next time someone tells you they got more than they bargained for with their COVID vaccine, maybe hold off on the eye-roll. After all, in the words of the great Forrest Gump, “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.”
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